Brady Bombs on Broadway

Tom Brady hosted Saturday Night Live this week and the results were a bit on the shaky side as the writers forced him to play with a dreadful game plan. The writing was truly awful and making Tom play with Rachel Dratch and Amy Poehler is a bit like making him play in the Super Bowl with backup Cedric Cobbs at running back and some receivers off the extended practice squad. Heck, there were certainly no Will Ferrell’s or Chris Farley’s out there to protect Brady’s backside or get deep down the field for some big laughs. The game started off alright as Brady’s opening monologue was decent and showed off some decent skills. It wasn’t a touchdown drive, but I’ll give him three points for his dance moves. He followed that up with a skit that featured him as a guy who couldn’t throw a football threw a hole at an amusement park. Again, it was not horrible, but it was certainly nothing to get too excited about. I’ll be generous and say Vinaterri nailed a long one for Tom to get another three on the board. What followed was real ugly. There was a horrific skit with Rachal Dratch where Tom and her pretended to be a couple receiving some counseling from Dr. Phil. This was a BOMB and therefore I am giving this TD to the opposition. What followed was a ridiculous cameo where Tom played a lost hiker in a moronic skit about a guy who was half man and half falcon. Since it was just a cameo, I am only going to award three points to Tom’s opponent. So at halftime, Brady is only down 10-6.

The second half opened with Tom having to scramble for his life in an atrocious skit promoting a fictitious Middle Eastern restaurant in South Jersey. This was clearly a touchdown for the defense. But just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the game was broken open when Tom had to play a character who was struggling with the decision of whether to get married. The skit ended in an Amy Poehler fumble which led to a touchdown and a two point conversion. Adding insult to injury was another “Behind the Music” sketch where Brady played Jim MacMahon of the 1985 Bears. It wasn’t a disaster but Brady was sacked in the end zone for a safety. The game ended with Brady getting a meaningless three off a skit that featured an impression of Peyton and Donovan, but it wasn’t nearly enough to win or cover the spread. The final score: 27-9. That certainly isn’t a victory and I have to admit I was expecting a bit better performance. But again, he was weighed down by poor surrounding talent and a terrible game plan. Other athletes – such as Nancy Kerrigan, Marvin Hagler and Wayne Gretzky – had no such liabilities when they appeared and that is why I am not ready to put Brady’s performance at the bottom of the SNL scrap heap. He did not shine, but we are not talking about Tony Eason in the 1985 Super Bowl here. No, I am going to cut Tom some slack here and say his performance was more like Scott Zolak’s 21 of 44 in the Patriots 25-10 wildcard loss to Jacksonville in 1998.